Nyiana-sama

Yo.

Its been a while. I accidentally skipped over my 17th anniversary on here. oops.

Anyone that knows me, knows that I've played Kingdom Hearts since I was 12 years old, I'm gonna be 31 this year to put that in perspective.

When I first played KH, Utada Hikaru's song Simple and Clean struck a cord with me. I loved it. A friend was able to get a burned CD of their songs all the way back in 2002/2003 and I've been drinking the Utada Jpop juice since. I adore their songs, and I can't tell you the amount of times I've cried listening to their music.

Their most recent song, Pink Blood came out, and when I saw the video with closed captioning on, and I could understand all of the lyrics instead of picking out certain parts. I fucking cried. Pink Blood is basically an anthem at this point for me. It captures a lot of how I've been feeling for so long.

And now, Utada has come out as being nonbinary. I was at work when I learned this, and for some reason had to stop myself from happy crying. When I got home, I listened to Pink Blood again, and it kinda clicked. Since their post hiatus return to music, Utada has been making their music very personal. In my opinion, Pink Blood was a classy way of them saying "fuck you, I'm me, and I'm judging myself based on what I want, and not what you think."

As far back as I can remember, I've been gender neutral. In grade school I would see boys and girls, and I would think "I know I'm a girl, but I don't feel like one. I don't feel like a boy either. I just feel like me." I thought so many times growing up "My gender is me." I always knew biologically that I'm female, but my personal tastes line up with both sexes. When I'm skinny, I want to wear fancy women's clothing, or at least fancy to me. I guess its considered office attire lol. But yeah, gimme them fancy looking clothes, I want to look nice. But at the same time, men's clothing is so comfortable and appealing as well. I started wearing men's jeans out of convenience at work (I needed pockets), and now its all I want to wear.

But after Utada came forward as being nonbinary, and seeing all of the (mostly) positive discussions in the forums I read, it made me want to read up on nonbinary more. My gender neutral does fit under it, but over the past few days I've been thinking things through more and more.

Now I can say 100%. I am nonbinary. They/Them/She for my pronouns. No one at my work or in my real life knows about this, and I won't fault anyone at all if they still call me she/her. It can be difficult to adjust to new pronouns for some people. But yeah. I finally found my thing. Now the next rabbit hole I need to go down is the demi/ace one. :') Maybe next year.

So I'm Sam/Nyiana/Nyi/Norbagul. Whichever one you wish to address me ass, I answer to all four. I can't tell you how glad I am that my dad picked a name for me which can be gender neutral.

And special thank you to Utada Hikaru for being honest with themselves and the world, to help myself and who knows how many other people, to finally be able to speak their own personal truths.

So uh, I guess today, June 4th, 2020 marks my 16th anniversary on the site.

Who knows where the time went. Now that my account is 16 and I am 29 going on 30, I can safely say that I've had this account for more than half of my life. That's a weird thing to think about.

But yeah, seriously. I am an adult. I do adult things. I have a husband. And like, we are starting the process TODAY to buy a house. We reached out to a realtor who we will be talking with this evening about how to do the process. A HOUSE. LIKE, WHO DECIDED THAT I AM ADULT ENOUGH TO GET A HOUSE?!

But yeah, wow .I've been here for 16 years. Geeeeeeeeeeeeez. I know that I really haven't been active much at all for several years now, but I still linger in the chats.

Hm... some other updates maybe? Well, I'm currently playing Animal Crossing. Its June 27th on my island, which means today is the bug-off, and Flick is here. AND OMG FLICK IS THE MOST PRECIOUS DORK EVER, I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND WILL DIE FOR HIM. Seriously, he's such a dork and dweeb and I love him.

I'm also spending time playing Pokemon Shield. Inteleon has become my overall number one favorite Pokemon. He dethroned Golduck's nearly 20 year reign as my favorite pokemon. Oops. But yeah, Inteleon is a boss.

In terms of work, I'm a meat cutter, therefore an essential worker. Oh god, am I ever an essential worker. I spent the second half of March through the first half of May absolutely killing myself trying to keep up with the insanity. And then suddenly, just like that within the past week our business dipped to what it was pre-covid. Probably because a lot of people are able to go back to work now. It happens. I'm going on vacation next week and my boss has no idea what the fuck he's gonna do without me there, so that's nice. Though will he appreciate what I do? No. He's not that kind of boss. He just thinks its an inconvenience that I decided to go on vacation. Like sorry, I've been working seven months now without any extra time off than the minimum one to two days off a week, and I had been busting my ass and rolling over backwards to keep the place running during the covid rushes. So yeah, I deserve a vacation.

Plus on the vacation my husband and I can start a lot of the home buying process. Maybe just figuring out where we want to get the loan from. I can't believe we're actually gonna do it.

Anyway, Happy Sweet 16 to my account. I'm sure I'll check back in next year with a dancing queen title.

oooh, if anyone does still ever want to interact with me by chance, I am very active on twitter @Nyiana right now my tagline is "BUBBLE 007, NOOOOOO!!!" or something like that. Bubble 007 is my starting Inteleon, and his antics cause me to yell at him.. a lot. Though right now you'd swear I was a Flick stan account. Anyway, off I go. I need to adult and buy groceries, my fridge is empty.